you know there are alot of things that make me sad. i suppose im one of those "sensitive" people. which is why watching depressing movies is so much fun for me. i love FEELING things emotionaally. that's why books are awesome. that's why writing is awesome!
stuff like last night happens a lot. i could get depressed and wrap myself up in my own world so i don't have to deal with the painfulness of it all. i could just as well look around at all the horrible things around me and let it eat into my heart, and let myself drown in all the things i COULD be sad about.
but im not going to because i was stuck in a rut for a year of my life, and i don't want to go back.
for once i'm going to shvoe last night away and not dwell on it. i'll forgive my mom. she's probably got a lot to deal with. i started another art project, smaller but..hey. the first is always the best so, oh well.
there's nothing done last night that can be undone. i just need to accept that my mom can get upset sometimes. and it give me a chance to get closer to my siblings. i got to hug my brother last night. usually he loathes me, but he found me comforting last ngiht. sure he was crying, but it's close enough.
and i'm so grateful for my friends. nita, you're awesome and thanks for the comment on the last post, sometime si thin running away is a great idea. haha
i had trouble fall asleep, but i was too tired to get up. i found myself staring at the ceiing when i got a text from kaleb. he was reminiscing about how we used to be.
that should have comforted me, but it just made me pissed off. you know, kaleb..you can't just do that. that's not what friends do. you cant just jump in and out of my life when it's convinent for you.
i didn't reply, even though i kinda wanted to console in him about my ngiht.
but he wouldn't care.
i love that jeremy's been there the whole time through everything. even before my parent's divorce.
he's always let me come to him and vent about how i felt when my heart is broken and he's kept me happy and alive.
i think out of respect for jeremy and the things he's done for me, i'm not goign to throw away my life by being depressed. i'm going to LIVE, goshdanget. i'm not going to give a care if my mom doesn't like the idea of me living.
but i am.
i'm going to be happy at home, and i will eat good food and i will tell jeremy i love him. and i'll only hang out with the amazing, awesome, smart, funny, people who appreicate me. i'm gonna be nice to my mom, and i'm going to write all the time and keep doodling and enjoy my music. i'm gonna go to church every week and attend meetings withot fail. im gonna do better on daily scriptures and continue saying prayers ever ngiht, and start sayign them when i wake up.
i'd rather have all these goals than get into my suicidal mindset.
haha frick. if i talked ot my past self like this, she'd punch my in the face.
but i guess..now i have a reason to be happy. i realized someone loved me.
and maybe you don't have someone in love with you, but i garentee you, there's always someone on your sidelines rooting for you the whole way.
thanke to "hey jude" for being my soundtrack as i fell asleep last night.
BOOP
stuff like last night happens a lot. i could get depressed and wrap myself up in my own world so i don't have to deal with the painfulness of it all. i could just as well look around at all the horrible things around me and let it eat into my heart, and let myself drown in all the things i COULD be sad about.
but im not going to because i was stuck in a rut for a year of my life, and i don't want to go back.
for once i'm going to shvoe last night away and not dwell on it. i'll forgive my mom. she's probably got a lot to deal with. i started another art project, smaller but..hey. the first is always the best so, oh well.
there's nothing done last night that can be undone. i just need to accept that my mom can get upset sometimes. and it give me a chance to get closer to my siblings. i got to hug my brother last night. usually he loathes me, but he found me comforting last ngiht. sure he was crying, but it's close enough.
and i'm so grateful for my friends. nita, you're awesome and thanks for the comment on the last post, sometime si thin running away is a great idea. haha
i had trouble fall asleep, but i was too tired to get up. i found myself staring at the ceiing when i got a text from kaleb. he was reminiscing about how we used to be.
that should have comforted me, but it just made me pissed off. you know, kaleb..you can't just do that. that's not what friends do. you cant just jump in and out of my life when it's convinent for you.
i didn't reply, even though i kinda wanted to console in him about my ngiht.
but he wouldn't care.
i love that jeremy's been there the whole time through everything. even before my parent's divorce.
he's always let me come to him and vent about how i felt when my heart is broken and he's kept me happy and alive.
i think out of respect for jeremy and the things he's done for me, i'm not goign to throw away my life by being depressed. i'm going to LIVE, goshdanget. i'm not going to give a care if my mom doesn't like the idea of me living.
but i am.
i'm going to be happy at home, and i will eat good food and i will tell jeremy i love him. and i'll only hang out with the amazing, awesome, smart, funny, people who appreicate me. i'm gonna be nice to my mom, and i'm going to write all the time and keep doodling and enjoy my music. i'm gonna go to church every week and attend meetings withot fail. im gonna do better on daily scriptures and continue saying prayers ever ngiht, and start sayign them when i wake up.
i'd rather have all these goals than get into my suicidal mindset.
haha frick. if i talked ot my past self like this, she'd punch my in the face.
but i guess..now i have a reason to be happy. i realized someone loved me.
and maybe you don't have someone in love with you, but i garentee you, there's always someone on your sidelines rooting for you the whole way.
thanke to "hey jude" for being my soundtrack as i fell asleep last night.
BOOP
=)
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